[♪♪♪]
[WOMAN SINGING OFF-KEY]
MICHAEL: That's right. Come on. No, don't stop.
[SINGING OFF-KEY]
Come on. No, no. No. Keep looking!
You don't feel so good now, do you?
See, you let it out. Out!
I'm an idiot. I feel like an idiot.
[♪♪♪]
MICHAEL: Not so fast, not so fast. Slower. Slower.
Good, good.
Keep it specific.
Still a little tension in the mouth, Mac.
Good, good.
Okay, make her work peripherally.
MAN: Michael...
Dorsey, is it? MICHAEL: Yes, that's right.
MAN: Mr. Dorsey, would you turn to page 23, please?
Yes, I believe you mean the first scene...
Sorry, the second scene of the first act.
MAN: Second scene of the first act. That's right. Begin when you're ready.
Yes, of course.
Oh, sweetheart, do you know what it was like waking up in Paris
seeing the empty pillow where...?
Wait! Cover your breasts. Kevin is downstairs! My God, what are you?
I'm a woman. Not Felicia's mother. Not Kevin's wife.
MAN: Thanks very much, Mr. Dorsey. We need someone a little older.
Mom! Dad! Uncle Pete, come quick!
Something's wrong with Biscuit! I think he's dead!
MAN: We're looking for someone a little younger.
"They have dinner..." Can I start again? I didn't get kicked off right.
MAN: The reading was fine. You're just the wrong height.
Oh, I can be taller.
MAN: No. You don't understand. We're looking for somebody shorter.
Oh. Look, I don't have to be this tall.
See, I'm wearing lifts. I can be shorter.
MAN: I know, but we're looking for somebody different.
I can be different.
MAN: We're looking for somebody else, okay?
What do you feel more deeply about than working?
The part's the most important thing. But love sometimes is too.
This is improvisation. You're the writer. When somebody writes a play
they decide where the highs are, where the lows are. Now you do it.
And you may not be high where they're high in the writing.
You may not be low where they're low in the writing.
You may be high on "but." You may be high on "and."
MICHAEL: Of course, they were doing it for dough,
the same as everybody does it for dough.
But the question is in the last analysis:
What were they doing for dough?
You and me for dough, we were advancing our free little non-Prussian careers.
So when all hell broke loose, and the Germans started running out of soap
and figured, "What the hell? We might as well cook up Mrs. Greenwald!"
Who the hell do you think stopped them?
[WHISPERING]
Pardon me, is my acting interfering with your talking?
MICHAEL: Don't play a part that's not in you.
Don't say "he" or "she" like you did last week when you were doing Kitty.
When you were doing Time of Your Life.
If you can't make the part yourself, you can't play it.
Sasha. Quick! Get a priest!
No, Sasha, no priest.
But you're dying, Count Tolstoy. I know.
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost,
I commit your soul to God.
My friends... That's super, Michael.
But I wonder if you could move centre stage on that last speech, and then die.
Why?
The left side of the house can't see you at all.
You want me to stand up and walk to the centre of the stage
while I'm dying?
I know it's awkward, but we'll just have to do it.
Why? I just told you. Now do it!
Because you say so?
Yes, love.
Not with me as Tolstoy.
MICHAEL: You gotta work.
You gotta work. There's no excuse for not working.
There's no excuse for not working. There's unemployment.
There was unemployment when I started acting, when my friends started acting.
And it's not changed.
You got 90 to 95 percent unemployment. It's never gonna change.
You're an actor. You're in New York City.
There is no work. But you gotta find ways to work.
MICHAEL: Two tortellinis, a gazpacho with two house salads, please.
Ordering: Veal chop, medium, two scrods, an order of chicken!
One scrod underdone.
COOK: What's the veggie on that? Baked potato.
How'd it go? Terrible.
Did you rewrite the last scene? I did the necktie scene.
How is it?
I'm excited. I think it's gonna change theatre as we know it.
We'll work on it when we get home tonight.
That's my flounder.
That is my flounder. Robert!
Ordering: One flounder... COOK: That's for the customer!
I eat these things once a day so if the customers say, "Do you eat his food?"
I can say, "Yeah, I eat his food."
You rewrote the necktie scene? Good.
Without the necktie? With the necktie.
With the necktie? Yeah, with the necktie.
The necktie's wrong. You take the necktie out, you got something.
What's wrong with you? What's wrong with me?
What's wrong is it's depressing to be disagreed with.
It's depression.
Today is your birthday, and you haven't mentioned it.
Don't start. I'm a character actor. Age has no effect on me.
That's very good. How does one not be depressed?
JEFF: Instead of trying to be Michael Dorsey, the great actor or the great waiter,
why not just try to be Michael Dorsey?
MICHAEL: I am Michael Dorsey. What's the payoff?
Say it like you mean it. I am Michael Dorsey. Fine. Okay?
CROWD: Surprise!
WOMAN: Speech! Speech! Speech!
Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait a minute.
First a toast.
To Michael Dorsey, who makes you remember what acting's all about!
MAN: Being unemployed!
To Michael,
who's been my friend for six years.
Was it that long?
And who is my coach. And he's just great.
He's a great coach, a great actor. He's a great guy and...
This is a really dumb speech. Let's get drunk.
Happy birthday!
[ALL SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU"]
[♪♪♪]
How you doing? I'm Michael. Michael. Patty.
You an actress? Terrific face. No.
Nice blouse. Who'd you come with?
I don't want a full house at the Winter Garden Theatre.
I want 90 people who just came out of the worst rainstorm in history.
These are people who are alive on the planet
until they dry off.
I wish I had a theatre that was only open when it rained.
Strasberg said you create your own opportunities. He's right.
Uta said that. I don't care who said it.
The point is, Sandy and I are raising $8000 to do Jeff's play in Syracuse.
When we raise the money, we're gonna do it. You could do the same thing.
Look at Emily! Look who's here.
You can do it in the Poconos.
You're sitting around saying, "I can't work." Create your own...
Isn't she cute?
He loves children. He really does.
MICHAEL: You make it! You find a way to raise it.
I was looking at you. You got a terrific face. Are you an actress?
Sometimes, yeah. You were in Dames at Sea.
You saw that? Good work. Really.
You have a great singing voice. Oh, thank you.
I felt there was an aura between us when I saw it.
I'm not kidding. I don't know you, but I know you.
I bet I can tell you about yourself. You like to run barefoot on the beach.
Why are you so wired?
It's my birthday. I haven't worked in two years.
That's it? Nothing more?
Yeah, it hurts me. Be the last one to take your coat tonight. We'll talk.
Fine. All right.
Will you? Serious?
Give me a hug. Okay.
Thank you for liking me.
I don't like it when people come up after my plays and say,
"I really dug your message, man."
Or, "I really dug your play, man. I cried."
You know?
I like it when people come up to me
the next day,
or a week later, and they say:
"I saw your play.
What happened?"
I've got it under control. I'll feed my cats and be back in an hour.
I can't make it. My roommate wants to work on the third act.
You can't make it? He wants to work.
Give me your phone number. I already did.
I thought you changed it. Since an hour ago?
Oh, you didn't. Good point. Let me talk to him. I'll call you.
Didn't anybody hear me? No, guess not.
I've been trapped in that bathroom for half an hour.
What kind of a party is this?
God, you guys are having a good time, huh?
Sorry.
I'll remember that if I ever do a scene where I'm trapped.
That's nice, Michael. Thanks.
Who is that?
Mallory. She's married to John. Oh, yeah.
I did a thing about suicides of the American Indian.
And nobody cared. Nobody showed.
And I think the American Indian is as American
as John and Ethel Barrymore
and Donny and Marie Osmond.
I think it's really sad,
but I think that, nowadays, when people dream
they don't even dream in their own country anymore.
And that's sick.
MICHAEL: I had a good time. I just didn't know half the people.
JEFF: It was late, and I wanted it to be a surprise.
I invited 10 people. They all invited 10 people.
You met 40 new people. They all liked you.
I heard a lot of nice things about you.
Thanks, Jeff. Good night.
Happy birthday. Thank you, Sam.
One of the five people I knew. Great party.
Thank you.
Excuse me, Miss Right? Miss Right?
Good night, Michael. It was a wonderful party.
My date left with someone else. I had fun. Do you have any Seconal?
Come on, I'll take you home.
SANDY: I did have a good time. I really did.
No, you didn't. Wait. I didn't bring enough money for cab fare.
That's okay. It's cheaper to get mugged. Let's walk.
The fares are really insane now anyway.
Why didn't you have a good time? I did have a good time.
What's wrong? Nothing's wrong.
What?
Nothing! I'm perfectly fine.
I just cry like this, like a tic.
Tell me what's wrong, or I'll kill you.
Nothing's wrong, Michael. I'm really very up.
You're worried about your audition tomorrow, aren't you? Why?
No. Because I'm not gonna get it. Why not?
Because I'm completely wrong for it. What kind of a part is it?
A woman!
You don't have a man, so you wanna act like one.
You're wrong, Dr. Brewster. I'm proud of being a woman.
Wait a minute. This guy treats you like dirt
because you're a woman and he's a big doctor, right?
But don't take that. Talk to him on his level.
Show me what you mean. You're doing a Southern accent?
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] You're wrong, Dr. Brewster. I'm very proud of being a woman!
I can't do it as good as you.
Yes, you can! Just turn the tables on him. Come on, now, will you?
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] You're wrong. I'm very proud of being a woman.
Where am I off?
I don't know what you're playing.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] I'm playing rage. I'm enraged.
You told me to turn the tables. I'm playing rage.
This is rage?
I have a problem with anger.
Yeah, you certainly do. But there's 100 other actresses reading for this part
who don't have a problem with anger, who aren't afraid of working.
Who aren't afraid to stick everything out on the line and do it!
Don't get mad at me! Stop being a doormat!
I'm not a doormat! Act right now! Do it!
You're wrong, Dr. Brewster. I am... Go on.
You're wrong, Dr. Brewster... Do I have to hit you with a stick?
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] You're wrong. I am very proud to be a woman.
And I'm proud of this hospital.
And before I see it destroyed by your petty tyrannies,
Have the anger. Don't show it to me.
I'll recommend you be thrown out into the street.
Don't lose it. Good day, Dr. Brewster.
Don't whine like you're second-rate. I said, good day!
Not bad. Pretty good.
Did you feel how much I hated you?
You really felt it? That's why I'm going.
How can I get it back tomorrow? How can a total stranger enrage me?
I'll pick you up at 10:00 and enrage you.
[♪♪♪]
[MOUTHING]
WOMAN [ON SPEAKER]: Bruce Fortune to Telecine. Bruce Fortune to Telecine.
Bennett? Right here.
JACQUl: Stanz?
SANDY: I'm supposed to look like this?
That is what you look like. It's not funny.
Good. Don't lose that.
No sequins, Alfred. She's attending her husband's funeral.
Jacqui? As soon as Ron gets here, in.
JACQUl: Lester.
Lester. Sandy Lester?
Yes, here.
Stop it!
WOMAN [ON SPEAKER]: Julie Nichols, makeup, please.
Bye-bye. Good morning, ladies.
Please bring your résumés and follow me.
Wish me luck.
Fuck you. Thank you.
Go. God bless you.
Here you'll recognise your favourite characters from Southwest General,
including John Van Horn, who has played Dr. Medford Brewster
since the first episode aired 20 years ago.
Now we'll head into Studio B, where the episodes are actually taped.
WOMAN [ON SPEAKER]: Andrew Donovan, report to Wardrobe, please.
I didn't get it.
What? They wouldn't let me read.
They wouldn't let you read? They said I wasn't right physically.
They want somebody tougher. So I'm going home.
Okay, I'll walk you. To San Diego?
What are you talking about? I'm going home!
I hate it here!
God! I'm 34 years old! I paid $24 for these glasses.
All I do is buy things... I want to be a waitress.
I wasn't gonna resort to this, but you're gonna read.
I don't want to. Shh. Shh.
Excuse me, is Terry Bishop here?
No, he's no longer with the show. Mr. Bishop is rehearsing The Iceman Cometh for Broadway.
He's what?
He's rehearsing The Iceman Cometh for Broadway.
That was my part. I was supposed to be up...
I gotta see somebody. Don't do anything rash.
Will he be back?
[♪♪♪]
Is George Fields in? Yes, he is.
Now, wait a minute. You can't just go in there!
Michael, he's tied up right now. I swear!
Hang on. Will you wait outside? I'm talking to the Coast.
This is a coast too. New York is a coast too.
Oh, boy.
Sy, are you...?
God... Look what you... Margaret?
Get him back, will you? I cut myself off.
What is it, Michael?
Terry Bishop's doing Iceman. You promised to send me up for that part.
You told me I'd get a reading for that. Aren't you my agent?
Stuart Pressman wants a name. Terry Bishop is a name?
Michael Dorsey is a name. When you want to send a steak back, Michael Dorsey is a name.
Wait, wait, wait! You always do this to me.
It was a rotten thing to say. Let me start again.
Terry Bishop is on a soap opera. Millions of people watch him every day. He's known.
That qualifies him to ruin Iceman? I can act circles around him.
I played that part in Minneapolis. If Stuart wants a name, it's his affair.
People are in this business to make money.
I'm in it to make money too. Really?
The Harlem Theatre for the Blind? Strindberg in the Park? The People's Workshop at Syracuse?
Wait a minute. I did nine plays in eight months up at Syracuse.
I got great reviews from the critics. Not that that's why I did it.
God forbid you should lose your standing as a cult failure.
You think I'm a failure?
I will not get sucked into this conversation.
I will not.
I sent you my roommate's play to read. It had a great part in it for me.
Where do you come off sending me a play for you to star in?
I'm not your mother. I don't find plays for you to star in.
I field offers. That's what I do.
Field offers? Who told you that? The agent fairy?
I could have been terrific in that part.
Nobody's gonna do that play. Why?
Because it's a downer about a couple that move back to Love Canal.
But that actually happened. Nobody wants to watch people
living next to chemical waste! They can see that in New Jersey.
I don't want to argue about it. I'll raise $8000 and produce his play.
Send me up for anything. I don't care.
I'll do dog commercials. I'll do radio voiceovers.
I can't put you up for any of that. Why not?
Because no one will hire you.
I bust my ass to get a part right!
And you bust everybody else's ass too!
Four weeks to put on a play, who wants to argue about whether Tolstoy
can walk when he's dying or walk when he's talking...?
That was two years ago, and that guy's an idiot!
They can't all be idiots. You argue with everybody!
You've got one of the worst reputations in this town.
Nobody will hire you.
Are you saying that nobody in New York will work with me?
Nobody in Hollywood will either. I can't even get you a commercial.
You played a tomato for 30 seconds, and they went over schedule because you wouldn't sit down.
Yes, it wasn't logical.
You were a tomato! A tomato doesn't have logic. It can't move!
So if he can't move, how's he gonna sit down?
I was a stand-up tomato. A juicy, sexy, beefsteak tomato!
Nobody does vegetables like me! I did vegetables off-Broadway!
I did the best tomato, the best cucumber!
I did an endive salad that knocked the critics on their ass!
Michael, I'm trying to stay calm here.
You are a wonderful actor.
Thank you. But you're too much trouble.
Get some therapy.
Okay, thanks. I'm gonna raise $8000 to do Jeff's play.
Michael, you're not gonna raise 25 cents.
No one will hire you.
Oh, yeah?
[♪♪♪]
Dorothy Michaels?
[IN FEMININE VOICE] Yes? George Fields is your agent?
Yes. Okay, ladies.
Please bring your pages and follow me.
I hate this line, "You have every right to happiness."
This is Dorothy Michaels. Our director, Ron Carlysle.
That's our producer, Rita Marshall. No résumé, but George Fields is Dorothy's agent.
That's very impressive.
I'm afraid you're not right for this role. Thanks for coming by.
Page 205, you want camera one or two?
RON: Camera two, and tell Art. Why am I not right?
I'm trying to make a certain statement,
and I'm looking for a specific physical type.
Mr. Carlysle, I'm a character actress. I can play it any way you want.
I'm sure you're a very good actress.
It's just that you're not threatening enough.
DOROTHY: Not threatening enough?
Take your hands off me or I'll knee your balls through the roof of your mouth!
Is that enough of a threat? It's a start.
DOROTHY: I think I know what you want. You want a caricature of a woman.
To prove some idiotic point like power makes a woman masculine,
or masculine women are ugly.
Well, shame on any woman that lets you do that.
And that means you, dear, Miss Marshall.
Shame on you, you macho shithead.
Jesus!
What is idiotic about power making a woman masculine?
Not that that was my point.
RITA: Miss Michaels, just a minute.
Was that for real or were you auditioning?
Which answer will get me a reading, Miss Marshall?
Well, good for you. Come.
JO: Miss Michaels. DOROTHY: Yes. Oh, thank you.
You really think she's worth testing for this, huh?
She told me no director had ever communicated a part to her so fast.
She said that? Mm-hm.
I like her...
accent.
Hi. Hi.
I gotta get these pages back in order. They'll never know the difference.
I'm a little nervous.
Just think of them as something friendly, like a firing squad.
RON [ON SPEAKER]: Miss Michaels, we're gonna do a camera test now.
Yes. RON: Uh...
Let me have a right profile, camera 1. Camera 3, give me a left profile.
What side? Left side.
Which way for your left?
What? Is that my left or your left?
Wait. What are you talking about? My left.
Your left.
Miss Michaels, nobody's talking to you.
I'm sorry. I thought you wanted my profile.
Not so close on camera 3. Camera 3, back off.
Make her look a little more attractive. How far can you pull back?
How do you feel about Cleveland? Knock it off.
That's good right there, Herbie.
Dorothy, honey, we're gonna try one.
Okay? Yes.
RON: Let me see exactly what you showed us a while ago.
Cue her, Jo.
"I know the kind of woman you are, Emily.
You're getting older. You don't have a man, so you want to act like one."
Shut your mouth right now. When you talk to me, talk professionally.
You don't get personal. That is inappropriate behaviour.
I'm very proud of being a woman, Dr. Brewster.
I'm very proud of this hospital, and you should be too.
And I must tell you, before I let it be destroyed by your petty tyrannies,
by your callous inhumanities, sir,
I'm going to recommend to the board that you be turned out into the street.
Good day, Dr. Brewster.
I said, good day, sir.
Thank you. Hold it a minute.
Tough cookie. I gave her that direction.
Something more, though.
RON: I don't know. It's your decision, but something about her bothers me. Does it bother you?
I like it.
We'll send the contracts to George.
[♪♪♪]
Excuse me. Could you help me? I'm looking for the Russian Tea Room.
This is the Russian Tea Room. You're in front of it.
Oh, well, my stars! So it is.
Well, this is very embarrassing.
Yeah, well, this is it.
DOROTHY: Thanks very much.
Good afternoon, Mr. Fields. Nice to see you. Please sit down.
Thank you.
The waiter will be just a minute. MAN: George, how are you?
Hey, Ronnie. How are you?
Hi. Wait a minute...
I'm new in town, and I'm lonely. Would you buy me lunch?
You can't come... Gregory, this woman...
Don't. It's okay.
George. George. George.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] It's Michael Dorsey, okay?
Your favourite client.
[IN FEMININE VOICE] How are you? Last job you got me was a tomato.
Oh, no, no, no... Yeah.
Swear to God. Michael?
Yeah. Oh, God. I begged you to get therapy.
You also said no one would hire me. And this'll make a difference?
I got a soap, George.
I'm the new woman administrator on Southwest General.
You're what? Congratulate me.
They almost didn't hire me because they thought I looked too feminine.
Something from the bar? Isn't that amazing?
A double vodka right away, please.
For the lady? Oh.
How about a Dubonnet with a twist?
Yes, ma'am. Thank you. Lovely blouse.
Thank you. Welcome.
You won't get away with this.
I got away with it. Look around. I don't believe this.
I mean, I just don't believe anybody else will.
You want to bet? Don't sit...
MAN: George.
You know Joel Spector. Hello, Joel. How are you?
Hi. Hi.
I talked to Stuart yesterday.
He'll be one more week in London. Then he definitely...
I missed you! Then he definitely...
You're such a tickly-wickly. You never were before. We go back years.
We haven't been introduced. Joel Spector.
I'm sorry. Phil Weintraub.
Sorry. This is Michael... Dorothy Michaels. Nice to meet you.
May I say that you are the best director...
Producer. Sorry. Producer
on the Broadway scene today.
Thank you. Thank you, Miss Michaels.
Hope to see you again. Let's have lunch.
Fine. Call you.
He's handsome. You should represent him.
You are psychotic! No, I'm employed.
♪ I got the whole world... ♪♪ Shh. Don't!
I won't make fun of you. Don't get close to me.
Loan me $1000 till payday. For what?
For what? I gotta have something to wear besides this.
[♪♪♪]
I won't let you not buy it. It's the best dress you've had on.
I think it makes me look dumpy.
That's because you're wearing ankle straps. With a few alterations...
Yoo-hoo! Taxi! Taxi! Taxi!
Thank you, thank you.
What are you doing? I was here first!
Thank you.
MICHAEL: Those women were like animals. I saw this beautiful handbag.
I was afraid to fight for it. They're vicious. They kill their own.
The woman that finally bought this handbag I know did time.
Now I don't have a decent handbag.
You know what this lingerie cost? And the makeup?
How does a woman keep herself attractive and not starve?
Can I have more cottage cheese?
You wore this today? I gotta set that before I go to bed.
Easy, easy, easy. Please!
I'm dieting. Please.
I gotta get up at 4:30, do a close shave.
I told the studio I do my own makeup because I have an allergy.
I appreciate your doing this, but it's for the money, isn't it?
It's not just so you can wear these little outfits?
I'm not even gonna answer that. It's also one of the great acting challenges an actor could have.
You know what my real problem is, though?
Cramps.
No, not cramps.
Sandy. Sandy.
How can I tell her they cast a man instead of her? She'll be suicidal.
Don't tell her.
Where will I say I got the money?
What am I gonna do? Tell her somebody died and left it to me?
My God! When did she die? Last week.
Of what? A disease.
Gee, what a coincidence. Mm-hm.
I mean, your needing $8000 and her leaving you exactly that much.
Isn't it? It's, well...
All right, kid. It's mine?
Learn your lines. I'm excited!
This is the greatest part!
I want to take you out to dinner. Get dressed. It's time we celebrated something.
To Return to the Love Canal. Hurry up.
I'll jump in the shower. Hurry, hurry, hurry!
[WATER RUNNING]
[IN FEMININE VOICE] Why, yes.
[SANDY HUMMING]
You know, we can stay here if you want to, and...
What are you doing? Oh, God! I'm...
Michael.
Sandy, I want you.
You want me?
I want you.
[♪♪♪]
Will I ever see you again? We've known each other six years.
I know. But sex changes things.
I've had relationships where I know a guy, then have sex with him,
and then I bump into him and he acts like I loaned him money.
That's not me. I'll call you tomorrow.
I know there's pain in every relationship. I just want my pain now.
Otherwise, I'll wait by the phone,
and then if you don't call, I'll have pain and wait by the phone.
It's a waste of time.
Let's make it definite. Dinner tomorrow.
[RINGING]
[STEPHEN BISHOP'S "TOOTSIE" PLAYING]
Psst. Psst.
Mom?
[IN NORMAL VOICE] What do you think? Hurry. I'm late.
Turn around.
Smile.
Say something. [IN FEMININE VOICE] How do you do?
You look very nice. Nice.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] But the hair's not right.
You got a Howard Johnson's thing going.
Do something. I can't be late my first day. Come on.
Easy, easy! It's not your head.
Okay? Let's see.
Well, it works.
But what?
Don't play hard to get.
[IN FEMININE VOICE] Taxi! Taxi!
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Taxi!
[IN FEMININE VOICE] Hi. Dorothy Michaels, Southwest General.
Oh, yeah. Miss Michaels.
TV 2. Straight ahead, first right.
Is that clock right?
Right on the money. I couldn't get a cab.
JO: Hi, Bobby. This is Miss Michaels.
You'll be in Room 4. We'll need you on set
in about 15 minutes. Right.
Oh, I'm sorry. Hi. That's okay...
Oh, jeez. It's quite all right.
I'm April Paige. My, what a nice-looking table.
Really? Yes, it's very smooth.
And that's a very good idea. A socket for a plug.
Yeah, well, we got everything. Yes, I see.
Just push all that stuff out of the way. Make yourself at home.
[DOROTHY HUMMING]
[KNOCKING]
Yes?
One more thing, Miss Michaels. I forgot to give you these.
Thank you. Oh, are these for today? Yes.
APRIL: They always throw stuff at you the last minute.
Oh, my goodness! What's wrong?
I have to kiss Dr. Brewster! He kisses all the women.
We call him "The Tongue."
Okay, quickly. Now, the tubes have pulled out of Rick's nose.
Julie, there's an alert at your station.
Rick, get on the floor. That's why the tubes pulled out.
When Julie starts stuffing the tubes back up your nose,
you grab her. I mean hard. In his condition?
Absolutely. He's been out of his mind since he fell through the ice.
[TOOLS BANGING]
Also, you think she's Anthea.
Mr. Carlysle, I... Jesus Christ!
Could I have a little more hammering here?!
[BANGING STOPS]
Now, when you grab her, maybe you even say, "Anthea! Anthea!"
Good. Is my violin somewhere in the room?
Your violin sunk. It's at the bottom of the lake.
The violin fell through the ice.
He was playing during the thaw. Oh.
You're Dorothy Michaels, aren't you?
Yes. I'm John Van Horn.
We're up next.
[CLEARS THROAT]
When he grabs you, you've got to be torn, you've got to struggle.
You know you've got to get those tubes stuck back up his nose.
But you also realise you're in the arms of a man
whose music was everything to Anthea. It was her whole life.
This is a man who stood by you after Ted's breakdown.
Bernie, get me a bagel and cream cheese, will you?
Julie, you want anything? No. She's fine, thanks.
So it's a struggle, but you're struggling with yourself as well.
And I lose, right? Get down here a minute.
Now, then, Rick, it says when she comes down to her knees
it inflames your desire.
God knows it always inflames my desire.
Okay, Big John.
Dorothy, come on in here.
This is Dorothy Michaels, the new hospital administrator.
ALL: Hello, Dorothy.
Hi! We met the other day. Julie Nichols, hospital slut.
Oh, no. Now, Mr. Carlysle...
I'm sorry, but we have so little time, we can't even rehearse.
I'm gonna show you your marks, and then we'll go straight to tape.
Big John, you'll enter from here,
you see them struggling,
you cross to here and then you cry loudly, "Nurse Charles! Are you insane?"
Yes, I see. Will it be on the TelePrompTer, "loudly"?
Yeah. And who do I say that to?
Nurse Charles.
I thought when Dr. Brewster...
You will enter from here, cross to this mark.
I know my mark. But I thought...
The corridor scene will be played right here. Okay?
See, I just wanted to ask, concerning the doctor...
MAN [ON SPEAKER]: Places, please. Stand by, tape is rolling.
JO [ON SPEAKER]: Five, four, three...
RICK: Anthea!
Oh, Anthea!
Freeze up. Ready, one. One twenty-five.
JOHN: Nurse Charles! Are you insane?
I'm Emily Kimberly, the new hospital administrator.
Nurse Charles, what on earth is going on here, dear?
Help me get her to her feet, Miss Kimberly.
John's going.
Nurse Charles, tend to your patient and faint on your own time!
JULIE: Yes, Miss... DOROTHY: Kimberly.
Dr. Brewster, you and I must talk.
RON: Rita, you want to keep rolling? It's okay. The girl saved it.
JOHN: You haven't changed, Emily. DOROTHY: Oh, but I have, Medford.
JOHN: You know, Emily, there's no reason for us to be in opposite camps.
We can rule Southwest General together.
I admire people with power.
Women with power, especially.
RON: God, she hit him on the head. Rita, she hit him.
DOROTHY: - And not consider it a threat?
I'm afraid that you have underestimated me.
If you want to win me over, you'll deal with my mind
and not my lips.
Cut it. And stop tape.
I was supposed to kiss her. It was just an instinct.
I remembered what you said about being more threatening.
It was a good instinct. It would've been mine.
Wait. I'll handle the instincts here.
It happened to be a good instinct, toots.
But next time you want to change something, discuss it with me first.
Yes. I was wrong not to.
Good girl.
Big John, wonderful!
All right, people.
Item seven. In the corridor.
Thanks for catching me. Oh, sure.
You saved my ass. Literally.
Dorothy, Yes?
I just want to say I loved what you did in our scene. Welcome aboard!
Well, you know, you were good too...
[SPRAYING]
Can I have your autograph? I've been watching the show forever.
You're so great.
Wonderful! Oh, thank you!
Thank you, Miss Nichols. That was certainly an exhilarating first day.
Yeah, you tell me about it next week. Well, good night.
Julie, come on, baby.
Can we drop you somewhere?
Maybe you'd like to join us for a drink.
No, thanks. I feel like walking. Okay, bye.
MICHAEL: She's really a very, very attractive girl.
And no dummy either. But for the life of me,
I cannot understand what she's doing hanging around with that director.
He treats her like she's just...
nothing! I think you're right.
I'm gonna rewrite the necktie scene without the necktie.
I don't like the way he condescends to me either. He calls me "sweetheart."
Calls me "honey." He doesn't even know my name.
He calls her "baby."
He pushed me around today. I'm telling you,
if I didn't have the dress on, I'd have kicked his arrogant ass in.
How'd you ever end up communicating with this guy?
Well, he told me what he wanted. I didn't agree with him.
I didn't say anything. I did it the way I wanted to.
He bawled me out. I apologised to him. That was that.
I think... I think Dorothy's smarter than I am.
I just wish I looked prettier.
You know, I look in the mirror and...
Maybe I can just get a softer...
hair or something, because she deserves it.
[PHONE RINGING]
Don't answer that! Why not?
No, because it could be for Dorothy. Please.
Why did you give them this number?
I had to. The show has to contact me
in case they change the schedule. I had no choice.
I'll answer it and find out.
No, I don't want them to think Dorothy's living with a man!
It's wrong for her. She lives alone.
It could be for me. This could be important.
Why don't you answer as Dorothy? I can't answer it as Dorothy!
What if it's Sandy? What if it's Diane?
How do I explain there's a woman here?
I'll get a service tomorrow.
You know, when you were playing Cyrano
and you stuck a sabre underneath my armpit
through the couch, you know, I didn't say anything.
When you were hopping around, ranting about your hump,
saying that this was a bell tower, I didn't say anything.
But I don't see any reason why I should just sit here,
pretending I'm not home, just because you're not that kind of girl.
That's weird.
Where are you going? I'm going to Diane's.
That way if anybody wants to reach me, including Diane, they can talk to me.
What do you think I'm doing this for?
For you, for the play, for Sandy...
Yeah, well, I told you to give me the pain yesterday, Michael.
MICHAEL [ON PHONE]: Sandy, I'm sorry. I can't talk long.
I just don't have the energy.
I think I have a virus. I didn't forget. I just may have the flu or something.
Michael? Do you have a fever? I think so.
How much? I don't know.
Oh, my God. Well, go right to bed and take two aspirin,
and bundle up, and sweat, and drink plenty of liquids.
Above all, take 1000 units of vitamin C every hour with milk only.
[♪♪♪]
[CLAMOURING]
WOMAN: Did you give Melanie an overdose on purpose?
I don't know. I don't write this shit, you know.
Don't be so hard on Dr. Brewster.
He's only needy because he's so insecure.
No, I have to be tough because he just wants my body.
Dorothy, you're so bad.
You look just the way you look. Well, thank you.
You're very attractive too. Dorothy.
I want you to meet my dad, Les.
Well, it's nice to meet you, Les. I feel as if I know you already.
Well, you know, I just love your daughter to pieces.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV]
[WOMEN GASPING]
Well, I can't write it any clearer than I can write, man. It's in English.
What do you think of those? For Sandy?
No, for me. For Dorothy.
Not exactly it, but that kind of idea. What do you think?
It's a little overstated. Really? Wait a minute!
Jesus!
That's her. Mr. Earl!
Shh!
You got it. Thursday, what time?
8:30.
I will not forget. Okay, bye-bye.
Things are better since you came to Southwest General.
We're all so grateful to you. For?
For your help and advice.
Well, I really think of you all as my daughters.
And what kind of mother would I be, if I didn't give my girls tits?
"Tips." It's "tips."
Tips.
I think you'll find you picked the wrong man
to challenge, Miss Kimberly.
It was you who pro... Look at me when I talk to you, Dr. Brewster.
I don't trust a man who won't meet my eye.
I don't trust it in a bank teller.
I don't trust it in an insurance salesman.
And I certainly don't trust it in a chief surgeon.
Now, it was you who provoked this confrontation, sir.
You're an incredibly insensitive woman, Miss Kimberly.
Stop thinking of me as a woman, Medford,
and start thinking of me as a person.
That's what Southwest General is made of, people.
Oh.
And have Nurse Charles see me immediately.
[♪♪♪]
Okay, one, push in for a close-up.
Not too close! Okay, hold it there.
And cut it! Stop tape.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
Dorothy, it was wonderful the way you held my face.
You controlled me completely. I felt your power.
Well, thank you, John, but you know, you had some great moments.
Really? Yes.
RITA: Hold it. Good news, children.
Our brilliant engineering staff has once again erased an entire reel of the show.
So we have to retape 14, 15 and 16.
[ALL GROANING]
Hey, hey. It's either that or do it live tomorrow.
I think we should tape it, don't you?
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
JO: That's a wrap. See you bright and early, 6:30 tomorrow.
Good night, Dorothy. Good night, Ben.
JULIE: That's some day, huh?
What? Oh, you mean about doing it over again.
Tell me, does that happen often?
Every once in a while. You know, we actually had to do it live once.
Live!
You should have seen Van Horn's face.
Of course, you couldn't see Van Horn's face
because he was so panicked we had to shoot him from the back.
Want some wine?
No, thanks. I better be getting on home.
I have to wash my hair. Thanks anyway.
JULIE: Dorothy? Yes?
Listen, I know this is exactly what you want to hear right now,
but we've got 26 pages tomorrow, and I was just wondering
if you could find it in your heart to come over
and run some lines with me tonight.
Well... I could make you something to eat.
Night, Fay.
I'm a born defroster.
What do you mean you don't have a thing to wear?
[IN NORMAL VOICE] She's seen me in all these.
She hasn't seen you in the white thing.
What, this? You cannot wear white to a casual dinner. It's too dressy.
You couldn't wear pants? No. Pants? I can't.
What about this thing? No, no.
I don't have the right shoes for it,
I hate the way the horizontal lines make me look too hippy,
and it cuts me across the bust.
I think we're getting into a weird area here.
This is smart. What about this? Seriously.
Well, you look like you should be ringing a school bell.
This may seem silly to you, but this is our first date.
I just want to look pretty for her.
DOROTHY: Hi. Hi. What a pretty outfit.
Yeah, I'm glad you like it. Come on in.
Thank you. I brought you something.
Oh, Dorothy. You didn't have to do that.
It was nothing.
Come on in. I'll put them in some water.
What a big apartment. Yeah.
What a lovely, lovely room. Is it?
Yes, it's yummy. I had a decorator do it.
Before the show, no money. Since the show, no time.
Amy is asleep. Finally. Oh!
Scared the daylights out of me.
Miss Nichols, that child is never gonna learn anything if you keep...
Thank you, Mrs. Crawley.
Dorothy, Mrs. Crawley. I'm sorry, I didn't know.
Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
She scares the shit out of me. Scared me to death.
Drop your coat here.
Who is it? Amy's nanny.
And she hates me.
Who's Amy?
My daughter.
Oh. She was 14 months old last week.
I didn't know you had a baby.
You got any kids, Dorothy? No, no.
Were you ever married? I haven't been that fortunate.
I was engaged once, though, to a brilliant young actor
whose career, unfortunately, was cut short
by the insensitivity of the theatrical establishment.
They killed him? In a manner of speaking.
Sutton gave up acting, and me as well.
He's working now as a waiter in a disreputable restaurant.
I don't want to talk about it.
Maybe you'd like a little wine?
No, I think I'd better keep sharp when we work, you know?
You mind if I ask you a question?
Do you worry about using so much heavy makeup on your skin all the time?
No. I don't worry.
I have a little...
moustache problem I'm sensitive to.
Probably just too many male hormones or something.
[GIGGLING]
Some men find that attractive.
I know, I know. I just don't like the men that find it attractive.
I take it you're divorced?
No, I've never been married.
Perhaps I'll have one little drink.
[MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]
Tell me about Ron.
How much time have you got? Go on.
Well, Ron...
Ron is, hands down, the best director of daytime drama.
Did they tell you not to call it a soap yet?
There was a time when anybody called it a soap opera,
Rita would fine them a quarter.
That's how she bought her Mercedes.
You're not telling me about you and Ron.
That's nighttime drama. He's interesting there too.
Oh, you mean he's...
You mean you have a good relationship.
What's a good relationship, Dotty? Can I call you Dotty?
Oh, please do. Ron's smart, and he's funny.
We got some things in common.
Listen, do you know any guy who's interested in a woman
who wants her dinner at 4,
is unconscious by 9 and goes to work at dawn?
But how does he treat you?
Ah, that.
Listen, you don't think I do this without a plan, do you?
What do you mean?
There are a lot of men out there. I'm selective. I look around very carefully.
When I find the one I think can give me the worst possible time,
that's when I make my move.
JULIE: All my lines sound like subtitles for a Czech movie.
Try answering as if the question took you by surprise.
What do you mean?
I'll ask a question. You just answer it.
Okay. Why do you drink so much?
When you grow up the way I did, an orphan raised by a sister 16 years older,
you have few illusions.
There you go. Did it make a difference?
Yes. You got it. Thanks, Dorothy.
Why do you drink so much?
Because it's not fattening
and it's not good for me. How many things can you say that about?
You're telling me to mind my own business.
I just don't think you should worry about it.
It's nice of you, but... But I should mind my own business.
Okay.
It's all so complicated, isn't it?
What? All of it.
Don't you find being a woman in the '80s complicated?
Extremely.
You know what I wish, just once? What?
That a guy could be honest enough to walk up to me and say,
"Hey, listen, I'm confused about this too.
I could lay a big line on you, we could do a lot of role-playing,
but the simple truth is, I find you very interesting
and I'd really like to make love with you." Simple as that.
Wouldn't that be a relief? Heaven.
Sheer heaven.
Ron was supposed to come over last night. I had dinner all ready.
He never showed up.
Oh, my Lord! What time is it?
It's 10:30. I gotta go.
Listen, forgive me for rushing off like this.
It was a wonderful dinner.
The dinner is burned.
I'm sorry I'm late. But I was taking a shower,
and the water turned off
and I got soap in my eyes.
I had to go to five different stores to get
your favourite flavour, chocolate chocolate chip.
Michael, I saw her.
What? You saw who?
When you were late, I went by your place.
I waited outside and I saw that fat woman go into your apartment.
Fat woman?
The one in the raincoat.
Oh, that woman! That's a friend of Jeff's.
She came over to help him with the play.
They've known each other for years.
You think she's fat?
Well, it was dark in the stairway, but, yes, I thought she was fat.
And since when does Jeff start collaborating on his play?
She's an old friend. She's an excellent typist.
Look, I'm not having an affair with that woman.
It's impossible.
I don't want to make trouble.
I never should have people over for dinner.
They never show up.
I'm sorry. I feel guilty. You feel guilty. I'm sorry.
Don't do that, Sandy. I'm sorry...
Don't apologise to me because I'm three hours late.
You should be furious.
You've just been so great to me, Michael.
You were so terrific to help me with the audition for that soap. It's that soap!
Ooh, that soap!
By the way, did you see that cow they hired?
Cow?
They must've gone a different way.
She is awful.
Well, I heard she was pretty good.
Baloney!
She's supposed to be tough, right?
She's not tough. She's a wimp!
Maybe it's the lines. After all, she doesn't make up her own lines.
Well, I think she should.
They couldn't be any worse.
I can't move out, Miss Kimberly.
I have no place to go.
I don't know what to do.
Don't lie there cringing and tell me your husband beats you
but you can't move out.
Why should you move? It's your house too.
What is she saying?
MAN: Three's up. Ready one.
You know what I'd do if somebody did this to me?
Why, if they came around again, I'd pick up the biggest thing around, and I'd just take it
and bash their brains right through
the top of their skull before I'd let them beat me up again.
Well, I can't afford therapy, Miss Kimberly.
Therapy? Who said anything about therapy?
Cut it, Ron. Cut it!
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
Wait a minute. Her line is, "Your husband..."
DOROTHY: Wait a second.
May I say in my own defence, Miss Marshall,
that to tell a woman with two children, no money,
and a husband that beats her up like this, with a broken arm
and a bashed-in face, to move into a welfare centre to get therapy is a lot of...
horseshit! Excuse me. I wouldn't do it, would you?
I can't act with this. Oh, shut up.
Ron?
[STEPHEN BISHOP'S "TOOTSIE" PLAYING]
[CHATTERING]
JULIE: I'm partially to blame, Miss Kimberly.
I know I'm pretty, and I use it.
I just guess I shouldn't have gone to Dr. Brewster's office so late.
Well, no, that's not true.
Dr. Brewster has tried to seduce several nurses on this ward,
always claiming to be in the throes of an uncontrollable impulse.
Do you know what? Uh-oh.
I think I'm gonna give every nurse on this floor an electric cattle prod,
and instruct them to just zap him in his "badubies."
Cattle prod?
Ruby. Hi, do you want to open up the yellow pages,
under the section of Farm Equipment Retail.
[STEPHEN BISHOP'S "TOOTSIE" PLAYING]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
MICHAEL: I am Dorothy. Dorothy is me.
Nobody's writing that part. It's coming out of me.
You are Michael. You're acting Dorothy.
It's the same thing. There's a woman in me.
I'm experiencing these feelings. Let's not get carried away.
Why can't you get me a special? I can sing, do some monologues.
I feel I have something to say to women.
Listen to me, Michael. You have nothing to say to women.
That's not true! I've plenty to say to women.
I've been an unemployed actor for 20 years, George! You know that.
I know what it's like to sit by the phone waiting for it to ring!
Then when I finally get a job, I have no control!
Everybody else has the power, and I got zip!
If I could impart that experience to other women like me...
Listen to me, Michael. There are no other women like you.
You're a man!
Yes, I realise that, of course. But I'm also an actress.
Michael, I don't think we should argue about this.
I'm a potentially great actress.
I could do Medea, Ophelia.
I could do Lady Macbeth, just like they did in Shakespeare's day.
Why don't you get the writers at the agency to...?
I could do a great Eleanor Roosevelt. I got a terrific idea.
We could do the Eleanor Roosevelt story!
The Eleanor Roosevelt story? Yes.
[LAUGHING]
What's the matter with that?
Listen, Phil Weintraub's party is Saturday night. Let's just go.
Forget it, have a good time. Have a couple of drinks. Don't take yourself so seriously.
He never invited me to a party. I'm inviting you. Me.
MAN: That looks great. He did a fabulous job on your eyes.
I can't blink for a week. Really.
I don't like it here. Stand up straight.
Ward, this girl's an analyst.
No, actually I'm a therapist. Well, it's the same thing.
What do you want to drink? A double champagne.
What is this, just serve yourself?
Hi. Hi. What would you like?
Give me two...
Two what? Of anything.
I'm sorry... A couple of champagnes.
Can I get you something? Hi, yeah.
Vodka on the rocks with a twist, please.
Hi. Hi.
WOMAN: You don't remember me, do you?
Yeah. When I came in the door, I thought you looked familiar.
What's your name again? WOMAN: Suzanne.
RON: Suzanne.
Call Pamela Green, she's my agent.
There's a lot of interest over at Paramount. I'll know after the 1 st.
I'll read it after the 1 st.
Actually, I'm not that crazy about the script.
I'm having a rewrite done. I'd like to show you some of the changes.
Maybe we could have dinner.
Call Pamela. She handles me for dinner.
Do you have a light?
How have you been? Great.
You look wonderful.
Thank you.
Silly me, I already had dinner.
I didn't know there'd be so much food. Oops.
It's for my dog.
He likes fruit.
Hi. Mike Dorsey.
Uh-huh.
Great view, huh?
Only Phil could afford all those lights.
You know...
I could lay a big line on you,
and we could do a lot of role-playing, but the simple truth is,
is that I find you very interesting.
And I'd really like to make love to you.
You know? It's as sim...
As simple as that.
I understand who you really are.
And I'll no longer submit to your petty insults and humiliations.
It's not necessary now that Emily Kimberly is here.
Now that someone who sees the truth is your equal.
Listen, doctor, I've filed charges against you with the AMA.
You'll be notified tomorrow.
And cut it. Cut. It's a good one.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
[WHISPERS] Perfect.
That was great. Thanks, John.
RITA [ON SPEAKER]: Lovelyjob, Julie. APRIL: You were wonderful.
Thanks to my coach.
No, you did it yourself.
JULIE: Was it okay? DOROTHY: I loved the middle...
So much for the mutual-admiration society.
Let's move on to item 17. Jo, clear this set.
I'll need Alan, Tom and John.
Tootsie, take 10.
Ron?
My name is Dorothy.
It's not Tootsie or Toots or Sweetie or Honey or Doll.
Oh, Christ. No, just Dorothy.
Alan's always Alan, Tom's always Tom, and John's always John.
I have a name too. It's Dorothy, capital D-O-R-O-T-H-Y.
Dorothy.
Excuse me, doctor.
Did somebody die?
Violinist. I didn't know he was that sick.
He wasn't. He asked for a raise.
I'm sorry about what happened out there.
I was a little upset.
What are you gonna do for the holidays?
Why?
Well, the baby and I are gonna go up to my dad's farm upstate.
It's not exactly the fast lane, but it's kind of fun.
Maybe you'd like to come along?
Oh, uh...
You know, since my dad met you, he's your biggest fan.
Is Ron coming too?
Would that make a difference?
Well... Actually...
I think he has to stay in town and work.
Oh.
If it matters,
I've always hated women who treat other women as stand-ins for men.
It's not that, really.
I'd just like you to come.
I just want to be real careful and not get up too soon,
or else I'll have another relapse, you know what I mean?
Listen, Michael, isn't there some way we could rehearse
and actually be in the same room together?
We will, Sandy. Right after the weekend. So I'll call you Monday.
Thanks. Bye-bye.
You know where my pink nightgown is? With the flower...
Listen to me. What?
Stop packing. Don't do this.
Why? You should not do this.
In two weeks, I'll never see Julie again. And if I do, it'll be as Michael Dorsey,
and she'll probably throw a drink in my face. Where's my makeup kit?
How long are you gonna keep lying to Sandy like this?
Oh, come on. It's for her own good.
I never told Sandy that I wouldn't see other women. Come on.
And if I did tell her, it would only hurt her feelings,
and I don't want to hurt her feelings.
Especially since Julie and I are just girlfriends.
I'm just afraid that you're gonna burn in hell for this.
I don't believe in hell. I believe in unemployment, but I don't believe in hell.
[♪♪♪]
Wait. Let me get those. Oh, well, thank you.
Strong little thing, aren't you? Well, no.
JULIE: Come on, Dorothy. I'll show you the house.
LES: Careful coming up here. DOROTHY: It really is old, isn't it?
Here we are.
I'll set up the crib in a second.
You girls unpack your bags, and we'll...
Wait. Are we sharing?
The rest of the upstairs is still shut off.
Besides, I know you girls. No matter how far apart I put you,
you'll sneak back together again and spend the night giggling.
He still thinks I'm 12.
Which side do you want?
I think the one closest to the bathroom.
Don't worry, I won't take up much room.
[♪♪♪]
Take it between your thumb and forefinger.
Let every finger roll down individually.
Like this?
LES: That's it, yes. My goodness. Ooh!
You'll be all right.
[STEPHEN BISHOP'S "IT MIGHT BE YOU" PLAYING]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
It's special up here, isn't it?
I'm glad you came.
Can I tell you something?
LES: Sweetheart?
Ron is on the phone.
Hi. I'm sorry.
What, Dorothy? Nothing. Nothing.
I think I'll put her down. Good.
Bye-bye. Gets a little chilly out here.
No, I was just... I brought this sweater for you.
Thank you. Very nice of you, Les.
Thank you.
[SWING SUPPORT SNAPS]
I wonder if we're gonna get any stars out of the sky tonight?
I've got my stars.
You and Julie.
[HUMMING]
[LES AND DOROTHY SINGING]
It's so beautiful. I should've transposed it.
It's a wonderful thing for a lady to play a piano.
Quit. My mama insisted.
Who wants another drink? You better take it easy.
Remember Injun Joe. What's that?
Don't you tell that story.
This bar Daddy hangs out in... I don't hang out there.
One night, he and Injun Joe threw back a few too many.
Hard liquor. JULIE: They thought they saw this elk.
They stalked it for a couple hours.
They finally got it cornered up against Charlie's barn.
About the time they were ready to blast the thing's head off, it mooed.
It was a cow?
That's enough laughing at your old man.
You know this one?
[SINGING "MARY, IT'S A GRAND OLD NAME"]
Wait a minute.
Bravo! That was Julie's mother's name.
Mary Juliet Cooper.
JULIE: Well, I'm going to bed.
What do you say, Dorothy? Do you wanna hit the hay, as they say on the farm?
I think I'll... You and... Both of you go to bed.
I'll stay up. I'll stay up with you.
Oh. Well, I'm going.
Good night. Good night, dear.
Good night, Dad. Good night, hon. Sleep well.
Be good.
Nice girl, isn't she? Very sweet. Very sweet.
I'm kind of glad old Ron didn't come up.
You know I am too, actually.
Really? Yes.
I'm sorry.
Please, sit down. Thank you.
I thought you'd be more like one of them "liberators."
You know, I'm not really like the woman you see on the show.
I mean, that's just a part. I'm not all that militant.
Don't get me wrong. I'm all for this equal business.
I think women ought to be entitled to have everything and all, et cetera.
Except...
sometimes I think what they really want is to be entitled to be men.
Like men are all equal in the first place, which we're not.
Can I get you another drink?
I must keep my wits about me tonight.
Tonight?
Well, always.
I can remember years ago,
there was none of this talk about what a woman was, what a man was.
You just were what you were.
Now they have all this stuff about how much
you should be like the other sex,
so you can all be the same. Well, I'm sorry, but we're just not.
Right. Not on a farm, anyway.
Bulls are bulls, and roosters don't try to lay eggs.
Never.
My wife and I, we were married a lot of years.
People got it all wrong.
They say your health is the most important thing.
But I can lift this house off the ground. What good is it?
Being with someone.
Sharing.
That's what it's all about.
Julie tells me you're not married. No.
Like another drink?
No. You sure?
Yes. Well, you know what? I think it is about that time.
Thanks for staying up and talking. Oh, don't you mention it.
You have beautiful eyes.
Oh, well, thank you.
Good night, Les.
Daddy's a little out of touch, isn't he?
No. Very sweet, very sweet.
He sees things pretty simply.
You're either happy or unhappy.
Married or not married.
There's nothing in between.
I tried to get him to take out other women after Mama died but...
You know, she must have been a very special person.
I guess so. I don't remember her very well.
I remember her helping me pick out this wallpaper.
I'd chosen one with great big purple flowers on it.
And she said to me,
"Just remember that once you choose it,
it's gonna cover the walls of your room for a long, long time."
So I tried to imagine what those big purple flowers would look like
on all the walls of my room...
every night when I was falling asleep
and every morning when I was getting dressed.
So I said to her, "Which one would you choose, Mom?"
And she said, "The one with the daisies and the little rosebuds,
because daisies are such homey flowers,
and rosebuds are so cheerful and always waiting to bloom."
That's lovely.
I made a million plans looking at this wallpaper.
I was always waiting for these rosebuds to open.
[♪♪♪]
That's nice.
My mother used to do that too, sometimes.
Good night, Julie. Night, Dottie.
[♪♪♪]
WOMAN [ON SPEAKER]: Cathy Campbell, please call your office.
It says "cool."
But don't you think I should be angry?
Doesn't it play better that way?
Yes. Why don't you try that?
This just came to our dressing room for you.
I think it's from Julie's father. Oh, my.
Now, don't you dare eat any of those.
You don't want to ruin that cute figure of yours.
What a thoughtless present to give a woman.
Chocolates!
WOMAN [ON SPEAKER]: Dorothy Michaels, Rita Marshall's office.
You know, Dorothy, you're a complicated lady.
On the one hand, you're a real pain in the ass.
I've got one of the most expensive directors in soaps...
I owe myself a quarter.
And you've got him defensive and hostile.
Oh, I don't mean to.
However, we're getting 2000 letters a week
and we've picked up three share points.
And it's largely due to you.
You are the first woman character who is her own person.
Who can assert her own personality
without robbing someone of theirs.
You're a breakthrough lady for us.
We're picking up your option. You'll be with us another year. Congratulations.
[GULPS]
Come on, Michael. What do you mean, get you out of it?
I can't get you out of it. There's no way out of it. It's a one-way option, theirs.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] What? Who gave them that?
You did. You signed the standard contract.
I signed a contract, but I didn't know I'd be working
for the rest of my life as a woman!
I know it, but you gotta find some way to make it work.
They're willing to pay. They'll go from 650 to 850 an episode.
You get me out of this. I don't care how you do it, or I'll go in and tell them.
Tell them what? That you deliberately put an entire network on the spot?
That you're making a fool out of millions
of American women every day? They'll kill you!
Look, I got a secretary out there wants to be like Dorothy Michaels. I'm ready to fire her.
Michael, we're talking major fraud here.
Major fraud. You can't tell them.
What about me? You think anybody
is gonna believe I wasn't in on this? They'll kill me.
This is not like ruining yourself by walking out on some play.
This is ruining me too.
You can't do it, Michael. You gotta find a way to make it work.
Can you take that many Valium? We'll see.
You know, maybe there's a morals clause in your contract.
Perhaps if Dorothy did something filthy or disgusting, they have to let you go.
But I really can't think of anything filthy and disgusting
that you haven't already done on your show.
[PHONE RINGS]
[BEEPS]
JULIE [ON MACHINE]: Dorothy, it's Julie.
There's sort of an emergency. Well, it's not really an emergency,
but if you get a chance, would you call me?
Are you sure you wanna do this? No, but I'm going to.
I've been fooling myself about Ron for too long now.
I guess I really wanted you here for moral support.
Although, I actually did fire Mrs. Crawley today. I really did.
Did you want a drink? I'm not the one breaking up with Ron.
I'd buy a ticket to that.
You have influenced me though, Dorothy.
I've been seeing Ron through your eyes.
Julie, I don't want that responsibility.
Why not? Why shouldn't you influence me?
Listen, you wouldn't compromise your feelings like I have.
You wouldn't live this kind of lie, would you?
Well, no, I wouldn't. But...
Of course not. And you're right. It's just...
I deserve something better. I don't have to settle for this.
I really don't. It's just that I've always been too lazy or too scared or too something.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
What the hell, I'll live, won't I?
Maybe not happily, but honestly.
Sounds like something you'd say.
Julie, you mustn't idealise me.
Honesty, in many ways, is a relative term.
Listen, my father's coming.
If he calls, don't tell him anything about this, okay?
He's driving down tonight. I'm sure he's gonna
wanna see you. Me?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, God.
It's Ron.
Oh, Dorothy, God bless you.
Wish me luck now.
Always.
I feel that little moustache. Maybe you should put some makeup on it.
Hi. Hi.
How you doing?
What's going on?
Dorothy's gonna sit with Amy.
I'll be right back. Okay.
Hi, honey.
You don't mind if I call you honey when we're not working, do you?
Nice dress.
Thank you.
You don't like me, do you?
I can respect that,
but there's not many women I can't make like me.
Why don't you like me?
I don't like the way you treat Julie.
Oh? Mm-hm.
I don't like the way you patronise her,
I don't like the way you deceive her.
I don't like the way you lie to her.
What do you mean? You want me to go on?
No, I know what you mean.
Look, Dorothy, I never promised Julie I'd be exclusive.
I never said I wouldn't see other women.
It's just that I know she doesn't want me to see other women,
so I lie to her to keep from hurting her.
That's very convenient.
No, wait a minute. Look at it from my side.
See, if a woman wants me to seduce her...
I usually do.
But then she starts pretending like I promised her something.
Then I start pretending like I promised her something.
In the end, I'm the one that's exploited.
Bullshit, Ron.
You know what?
[WHISPERS] I understand you a lot better than you think I do.
Really? Mm-hm.
JULIE: I'm ready.
Well, Julie's ready. She sure is.
Dorothy, she never wakes up.
But in case she does, there's a little applesauce in the fridge.
You can just give her a couple spoonfuls.
I'm sure she'll... Are you sure you'll be okay?
Don't be silly. How much trouble can a baby be? Go on.
[BABY CRYING]
[IN NORMAL VOICE] It's okay. Oh, it's okay.
Oh, please don't cry. Please don't cry.
Oh, I love you.
Look how much fun we're having.
It's all right. It's all right.
It's okay. It's Uncle Dorothy.
Please don't cry. Please don't cry. Please.
Oh, come on. Oh, here's funny clown.
Funny clown's talking to... Here, look.
Come on, Amy. Hello, Amy.
Amy... Give me a break, will you?
Here, come on. Will you eat some more now?
You told me to open up this one. Now, this is apri...
Gotcha. Gotcha.
You want a little more apricot?
Don't do that anymore, now. Don't do that to Aunt Dorothy.
Come on, you'll go to sleep after this.
Just try this one, and then I'll put you...
I don't like you. It's not funny.
Amy, look at this.
She's gonna probably have to paint the kitchen.
Here, look at yourself. You see what a bad girl looks like?
[LULLABY PLAYING]
[DOROTHY SNORING]
Dorothy?
DOROTHY [IN FEMININE VOICE]: I'll be right there.
Hi. Hi.
How's Amy? She any trouble?
Oh, not at all. She was an angel.
Are you all right?
Fine.
What's the matter?
Julie?
Tell the truth now. Are you sure you're all right?
No.
Why?
Who am I gonna have dinner with?
Oh, God! I hate myself for being like this.
You know something funny? What?
And I don't want you to take this the wrong way.
But since I met you, I'm so grateful to have you as a friend.
And yet, at the same time...
I've never felt lonelier in my whole life.
It's as though I want something that I just can't have.
You know what I mean?
Do you?
Dorothy? Julie...
My God!
Let me explain.
Please, don't say anything.
There's a reason. I understand the reason.
That's not the reason. See, I'm not the person you think I am.
Just wait a minute. Nobody is.
Dorothy, It's me. No, it's me.
No, it's me.
No, it's me. I'm just not well-adjusted enough.
I'm sure I've got the same impulses.
Obviously, I did have the same impulses.
Don't jump to conclusions about that impulse.
That impulse is a good impulse, Julie.
If you could just see me out of these clothes...
No, no! What?
[PHONE RINGS]
Oh, my God, that's my father. You've got to tell him.
Tell him. Tell him? Tell him what?
That I... That's a corncob.
Hello?
Hi, Dad.
Fine.
I'm here with Dorothy.
No, I can't tonight, Daddy. Wait a second.
Dorothy, you've got to see him.
I don't care what you tell him, just don't lead him on.
Please don't make me do this. You gotta let him down gently.
I can't. You owe me that.
Hello.
Hi, Les. I'm fine. How are you?
Tonight, sure... Tonight?
[BAND PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]
What'll you have, Dorothy? Just water.
Water and bourbon. On second thought, straight Scotch.
Scotch and bourbon.
I'd like to...
Let's dance. What?
It's my favourite dance. Oh, really, I don't dance.
You'll love it. What?
Follow me. Follow me. Please, I don't... I don't...
You know what? I'd... Really, I'd rather not.
Just relax. You're very good.
My wife and I took a course. I could tell at once.
Emily, we love you. You're fabulous!
Just wonderful. Wonderful.
You're even prettier in person. Thank you.
I'm sorry. I forgot that you're on your feet all day.
Come on, sit down. Yes, I think we should stop.
Thank you. Thank you.
I was real happy when you could come out tonight.
I know you usually got a lot of lines to learn.
Les, I think there's something I'd better say.
There's something I want to say too.
Wouldn't it be funny if we both wanted to say the same thing?
It would be hilarious, but I don't think what I have to say is what you have to say.
Well, mine's pretty simple. I'm not too good with words anyway.
I only took two pictures in my whole life,
my high school graduation and my wedding.
And my wife was standing next to me in both of them.
Now, I never thought I'd want anybody to fill her place.
All that changed last weekend.
Lester. Lesley.
Lesley... Don't interrupt me.
I gotta do this in one go, or I won't get through it.
I know this is kind of quick, but that's how I am.
Never did believe in not getting down to it.
Oh! Don't say anything now.
Oh, no! I know it's fast.
Gee, I don't... Take time to think about it.
If the answer is no, at least I'll feel you took me seriously.
Would you mind, terribly? I just need to be alone.
I'd like to start thinking it over as soon as possible.
JOHN: Dorothy?
[IN NORMAL VOICE] This is a nightmare.
Don't be angry with me. I just had to talk to you.
[IN FEMININE VOICE] You know where I live?
I followed you home last night. What? Followed me home?
I didn't have the courage to talk to you on the phone without seeing your face.
Could I come up for a drink? No, you cannot come up.
I have a terrible headache.
Please. I'll only take a tiny moment of your time.
No. No. I'll see you on the set tomorrow and we'll talk about it.
Go home. Have you been drinking?
[JOHN SINGING]
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh, Jesus.
[NEIGHBOURS GRUMBLING]
[IN FEMININE VOICE] Are you out of your cotton-picking mind?
Come on up! I'm on the third floor!
Hurry before someone calls the cops!
Jesus!
Shh!
Come in, John, but you can just stay a minute.
Can I have a drink? Anything alcoholic will do.
Just one drink, and I'll be on my way. Oh, all right, but I...
Nice mirror.
Here.
What is it that couldn't wait, John?
Dorothy. What?
I'm just an untalented old has-been.
Were you ever famous?
No. Then how can you be a has-been?
I love the way you never let me get away with anything.
Dorothy... Yes?
I want you. I beg your pardon?
I've never wanted a woman this much!
Oh, please, John! Please! Perhaps another time.
Turn me away, it'll kill me! It's not you personally.
I don't want to get involved emotionally at this time.
Then I'll take straight sex.
I don't want to hurt you. I don't mind.
Oh, shit!
[DOOR OPENS]
John Van Horn, Jeff Slater.
Ahem, Jeff Slater, John Van Horn.
How do you do? How do you do?
I'll be going. I think it's best.
Gee, I hope I haven't... No, I hope I haven't...
I want you to know, for the record, Jeff,
that nothing happened here tonight.
Thank you, John.
I'm sorry, Dorothy.
I didn't understand. I'm really sorry.
Please don't talk about this.
My lips are sealed.
You slut.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Look, don't start in with me. Don't do that.
Rape is not a laughing matter.
That guy wanted me.
You cannot believe the night I have had tonight!
I think I could imagine. Oh, no, you can't.
I saw the look in his eyes. I was in big trouble.
If you don't come in, I'm in the Daily News the next morning.
How did you ever let him in here?
What do you mean how did I let him in here? He was singing.
Is he that good a singer? What do you...?
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
That's him!
Tell him I'm in the bedroom crying. Don't let him in!
SANDY: Michael. It's Sandy.
Sandy? It's Sandy?
I can't let her see me like this.
SANDY: I hear you in there.
Jeff, open the door. It's me, Sandy. Open the door!
Sandy, is that you? SANDY: Yes! It's me!
What time is it? I fell asleep, I guess.
I was having a nightmare and you were in it.
Mike's in the shower.
I'm in the shower! I got soap in my eyes! I'll be right out.
I'm not dressed. All my clothes are in the other room.
I was asleep. I was dreaming.
Funny, you were in my dream. You had real big teeth, but you were still a nice person.
I had big what?
I gotta get something on. SANDY: Are you having a party?
I'm in the shower! Turn on the water!
It's stuck! I got soap in my eyes, and there's no water coming out!
I can't come out, I got soap in my eyes!
Jeff, open the door!
I can hear you in there, you guys. Open the door! Michael!
Open this door.
The door was open.
You must think I'm really stupid or something.
No one would call you stupid to your face.
Jeff, I've been out there for 10 minutes.
It sounded like you guys were having a party in here or something.
Well, Michael's in the shower. You know.
Hi, I was taking a shower. He was in the shower.
Good shower? Good shower.
Why haven't you returned my phone calls, Michael?
Since I'm awake, I think I'll go do some writing. Excuse me.
Wait, I'll be right back. I got a present for you.
Pigs!
I'm glad you came over. I've been meaning to give this to you. Here, it's for you.
I suppose this means nothing's wrong?
Nothing is. Is it?
Well, Michael, I've called you every night this week,
you haven't returned my calls. Really?
You treat me like I'm a jerk. What are you talking about?
I called, and you didn't call back! No, it's...
My new answering machine is no good.
I'm gonna answer my own phone calls.
I went to six stores for your favourite. Chocolate-covered cherries?
That's sweet. Oh, and a card.
Oh, yeah. No, no! Don't, don't read it!
I was very angry when I wrote that!
"Thank you for the lovely night in front of the fire.
Missing you, Les."
This isn't for me. This is another girl's candy.
I wouldn't give you another girl's candy, I swear.
Then whose is it? Mine.
A guy named Les is sending you candy?
Yes. He's a friend of mine. He can't eat candy. He's diabetic.
Why is he thanking you for a lovely night in front of the fire?
My mind's a blank.
Michael...
are you gay?
In what sense?
Just be honest with me. Tell me the truth!
For once in your life, tell me the truth!
Because these stories are very demeaning to me.
No matter how bad the truth is,
it doesn't tear you apart inside like dishonesty.
At least it leaves you with some self-respect and some dignity.
You're right.
Okay. Okay.
I'm not gonna lie to you anymore.
I'm gonna tell you the truth. Sandy...
I'm in love with another woman.
[SCREAMING]
What are you saying to me?!
Sandy, please. Don't... You liar! You liar!
Sandy, we never said we loved each other.
We went to bed one time. I don't care.
You're a dear friend. But let's not pretend it was something else!
We're gonna lose everything we had. I never said, "I love you."
I don't care about "I love you." I read The Second Sex.
I read The Cinderella Complex! I'm responsible for my own orgasm!
I don't care! I just don't like to be lied to!
You asked me to be straight with you.
I didn't tell you how I'd feel about it, did I?
Please, tell me, what can I do? There's nothing you can do for me.
I just have to feel like this until I don't feel like this anymore,
and you have to know you made me feel this way! Schmuck!
Aren't we still friends? No, we are not friends.
I don't take this shit from friends, only from lovers.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What about the play?
Yes, what about the play?
I think I should tell you to shove your play.
But I won't, because I never allow personal despair
to interfere with my professional commitments.
I am a professional actress!
So are these real chocolate-covered cherries?
I think so.
See you at rehearsal. Oh, Sandy...
Don't call me.
It's 2:00 in the morning. Can't this wait?
I don't care what time it is. Man, you've got 10 days to get me off this show.
It's impossible. Then I'm getting a new agent, George.
I've had it with you. You hurt my feelings.
What happened? I'm sorry.
I told her about Julie. She thinks I'm gay.
Julie thinks you're gay? No, my friend Sandy.
Well, sleep with her.
I slept with her once, she still thinks I'm gay.
Oh, that's not so good.
I gotta get back to my life. You got wall-to-wall lawyers in that office.
There must be some kind of way to get me out of this show.
We've been through this.
Why can't I die? Why can't Dorothy have an accident?
I mean, we can use our imaginations. This isn't too tough.
You want to kill somebody and bring back the stiff,
that's okay, but she'd better look exactly like you.
Those people don't miss a trick. These are nice, good people.
Something is weird about you. Since when do you care so much about what other people feel?
I mean, if I didn't love Julie before,
you should have seen the look on her face when she thought I was a lesbian.
Lesbian? You just said "gay."
Sandy thinks I'm gay. Julie thinks I'm a lesbian.
I thought Dorothy was supposed to be straight.
Dorothy is straight.
Les, the sweetest, nicest man in the world, asked me to marry him.
A guy named Les wants you to marry him?
Yeah. No, wants to marry Dorothy.
Does he know she's a lesbian? Dorothy's not a lesbian!
I know that, but does he? Know what?
That... Well, I don't know.
You know he gave me a ring? He gave me a diamond ring.
What did you say? What do you mean? I said,
"I gotta think it over."
I went in the ladies' room and almost pissed in the sink. I'm in trouble, man!
Thirteen's up. Ready 14.
MAN: Widen E. Pull three to 130.
Cut it. Stop tape.
MAN [ON SPEAKER]: We're gonna take a short break, people.
RITA: Hold it, hold it! Slight change of plans, children.
Our future ex-tape editor has just spilled a bottle of celery tonic
all over the second reel of the show airing today.
So we have to redo Emily's party scene, live.
JOHN: Live? Quick, like bunnies.
You have 26 minutes. Get into wardrobe.
But, Rita... RITA: Don't worry, John,
you've only got a few lines.
Well, I don't see why we can't use the tape.
Just because it's a little sticky.
JULIE: Explain to them that the hours have to be flexible.
No...
Well, and I would...
Can I call you back? Thank you.
Hi. Hi.
My God, Dorothy. I just... Really, I can't.
It's for Amy.
Oh, thanks.
That's nice.
I don't know how to say this... I really wish you wouldn't.
I understand that you weren't able to tell my dad last night.
So I think it'd be better for all of us if I tried to explain it to him.
Look, I wouldn't be honest if I didn't tell you
how much you've meant to me these past couple weeks.
You taught me how to stand up for myself because you always stand up for yourself.
You taught me to stop hiding and just be myself
because you're always yourself.
And I'm grateful to you.
But...
Well, I just...
I just can't see you anymore, you know?
I just feel it would be leading you on. It wouldn't be fair to you.
I really love you, Dorothy.
But I can't...
I can't love you.
JO: Places, everybody. Immediately!
Fifteen seconds to commercial.
JULIE [ON TV]: I don't care how you get there.
But this is the most important night in Emily Kimberly's life.
We're all going to be there to honour her, including you.
[♪♪♪]
MAN: Stand by. Quiet, please, on the floor. Stand by.
WOMAN: Twenty-two and 23 come down to 18.
Hold it. That's good.
JO: Five, four, three...
[♪♪♪]
Let's all raise our glasses to our guest of honour, Miss Emily Kimberly.
Oh.
Emily, we are all looking forward to having you grace us
with your presence for many years to come.
[WHISTLES]
Thank you, Gordon. I cannot tell y'all how deeply moved I am.
I never in my wildest dreams
imagined that I would be the object of so much genuine affection.
Uh-oh.
It makes it all the more difficult for me to say what I'm now going to say.
Yes.
I do feel it's time to set the record straight.
You see, I didn't come here just as an administrator, Dr. Brewster.
I came to this hospital to settle an old score.
What score?
DOROTHY: Y'all know my father was a brilliant man. He built this hospital.
But what you don't know is that to his family,
he was an unmerciful tyrant. An absolute dodo bird.
Oh, no! Not live.
Get her back to the PrompTer. Let's see where she goes.
He drove my mother to drink.
In fact, she went riding one time and lost all her teeth.
What? What?
- The oldest daughter, the pretty, charming one, became pregnant
when she was 15 years old and was driven out of the house.
In fact, she was so terrified that she would...
That the baby daughter would bear the stigma of illegitimacy
that she decided to change her name,
and she contracted a disfiguring disease...
after moving to Tangiers, which is where she raised the little girl as her sister.
But her one ambition...
Any preference of shots on this one?
Was to become a nurse.
So she returned to the States and joined the staff right here
at Southwest General.
[GASPS]
When she worked here, she knew she had to speak out
wherever she saw injustice and inhumanity.
God save us. You do understand that, don't you, Dr. Brewster?
I never laid a hand on her.
Yes, you did. And she was shunned by all you nurses too.
RON: Give me something, one. I don't need backs.
Two and three, go left and right.
No, two, go left! Three, go right!
DOROTHY: Her outspokenness threatened you doctors.
But she was deeply, deeply, deeply loved
by her brother. Her brother?
It was this brother, who on the day of her death,
swore to the good Lord above that he would follow in her footsteps.
And, and, and...
just, just, just...
Don't, don't, don't panic.
Owe it all up to her! But on her terms!
God, here come the terms. As a woman...
and just as proud to be a woman
as she ever was.
For I am not Emily Kimberly,
the daughter of Dwayne
and Alma Kimberly.
No, I'm not.
[IN MASCULINE VOICE] I'm Edward Kimberly, the reckless brother of my sister Anthea.
[SCREAMS]
Holy Christ!
Edward Kimberly, who has finally vindicated his sister's good name.
I'm Edward Kimberly.
Edward Kimberly.
I'll be damned.
MICHAEL: I'm not mentally ill, but proud
and lucky enough to be the woman that was the best part of my manhood.
The best part of myself.
[♪♪♪]
That is one nutty hospital.
I knew there was a reason she didn't like me!
Commercial. Cut it!
JO: And cut!
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
[GASPING]
Does Jeff know?
[♪♪♪]
Hey, Robert.
Hi, Les.
MAN: Get him!
All right!
Get him! Get him! Get him! Oh, come on.
I thought you'd want it back. Outside.
Give it to me outside.
Why'd you do it?
I needed the work.
The only reason you're still living is because I never kissed you.
I hope you enjoyed the chocolates.
I gave them to a girl.
So did I, I thought.
Do you like them?
Chocolates? Girls.
I like Julie.
I think I love Julie.
Wearing a dress is a funny way to show it.
I know. I apologise.
The truth is, you were okay company.
So were you.
I could have done without the dancing.
You know, you're very good.
I'm seeing a real nice woman now. Oh, really?
You think I didn't check her out?
Can I buy you a beer?
You got six bits. Yeah.
Can I have a couple beers?
Does Julie ever mention me?
[♪♪♪]
Taxi!
Thank you.
Hi.
I saw your father.
I drove up to see him in that bar he hangs out at.
He doesn't hang out there.
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
How's Amy? Fine.
Your dad and I had a couple of beers and shot a good game of pool.
We had a really good time together.
How's it going?
Terry Bishop's back on the show. April has lost her radiology licence...
I meant with you. I know what you meant.
So you're pretty hot after your unveiling.
What's your next triumph?
I'm gonna do this play with a couple of friends...
Good. I gotta catch a cab, Michael. Julie.
Can I call you sometime?
Look, I don't want to hold you up.
I just did it for the work. I didn't mean to hurt anybody.
Especially you.
I miss Dorothy.
You don't have to.
She's right here.
And she misses you.
Look, you don't know me from Adam.
But I was a better man with you as a woman
than I ever was with a woman as a man.
You know what I mean?
I just gotta learn to do it without the dress.
At this point in our relationship,
there might be an advantage to my wearing pants.
The hard part's over, you know?
We were already...
good friends.
Will you loan me that little yellow outfit?
[♪♪♪]
Which one?
The Halston. The Halston?
Oh, no!
You'll ruin it. Michael!
You'll spill wine all over it. I will not.
I'll loan it to you, but you gotta give it back. It's my favourite.
What are you gonna use it for?
[STEPHEN BISHOP'S "IT MIGHT BE YOU" PLAYING]